DEAR AMY: I could use some advice on how to handle a source of family irritation regarding our son-in-law during holiday meals.
“Patrick” works in the restaurant business and often works late hours and some holidays.
Over the years, we’ve accommodated his schedule by rearranging ours.
Nevertheless, on the day of celebration with family, all goes well until there is a lull in the activities. At that point, Patrick will stretch out on the couch and sleep.
If we all want to play a game or visit or do some other activity as a family, he will opt to sleep. In the beginning, we bought into the excuse that he worked late and is tired. Now it just feels rude.
It is hard to not take his behavior personally. My daughter is caught in the middle, but she doesn’t like it any more than we do.
Elephant on the Couch
DEAR ELEPHANT: You cannot prevent someone else from doing something they do. What you can do is let your son-in-law know that this bothers you, by saying, “Patrick, we know you work very hard, but when you fall asleep on the couch after Thanksgiving dinner we have a tough time partying around you. We’d love to spend more time with you — awake.”
When this happens, ask your daughter to rouse him and get him to a bedroom, where he will be out of everyone’s way.
I’m not sure how she is “caught in the middle.” If he is dominating your celebration by snoring on the couch and you don’t like it and she doesn’t like it, there is no “middle.” He cannot justify his choice to nap in the center of your holiday, other than to say, “I’m tired.”
If you are too intimidated to ask your son-in-law to be a more engaged family member and if your daughter is too nervous to walk him to a bedroom, then you all have a bigger problem than his lack of respect for your holiday.
DEAR AMY: I have a friend who eats out a lot. She never misses an opportunity to text me a picture of her meal, cocktail or dining ambience.
She used to send out group texts of this nature and I never responded. She now sends them to me singularly, and I’m still not responding.
I think it is immature — and an affront to whomever she is dining with.
Midwest Reader
DEAR READER: I wonder if anyone actually enjoys looking at pictures of other people’s meals.
One article I read about this trend indicated that for some people, photographing their food is a compulsive habit. When they do this, they are saying, “I eat meatloaf, therefore, I exist.” Your friend might be in this category.
Perhaps you could ask her, “Can you tell me why you text pictures of your food to me? When I get these texts, I’m never quite sure what to think. I always love to hear from you, but I don’t really like to get a text from your entree.”
You can block your friend’s ability to send texts to you — go to your “Contacts” list and look for options. She would still be able to call you, but you wouldn’t receive these texts — and she wouldn’t be aware that her texts are blocked.
Send questions to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
