Apple teaches its Geniuses to schmooze

The folks at Gizmodo got their grimy little paws on a real collector’s item for Apple fanboys everywhere:

It’s Apple’s top-secret, highly-classified, don’t-tell-a-soul-or-we’ll-have-to-banish-you-from-the-walled-garden Genius Training Manual.

And according to Giz, it’s devilishly delightful reading, full of touchy-feely sales strategies for aspiring Genius Bar Geniuses who want to move more iPhones and give CEO Tim Cook something to crow about on  his next earnings call.

In a nutshell, the Apple guide offers prospective employees a blow-by-blow course on how not just to sweet-talk customers who wander into the Apple Store full of questions, comments, angst, and, hopefully, thousands of dollars to drop. But it’s a primer on how to actually FEEL YOUR APPLE CONSUMER’S PAIN and then turn that pain into a sale.

Yes, some of the training document’s language borders on Scientology-level creepiness (“We guide every interaction,’’ it states. And “We strive to inspire.’’ And “We enrich their lives.”)

But hey, if Apple Geniuses are being schooled in the fine art of making each and every one of us feel special, loved, appreciated, good-looking and worthy of purchasing a brand-new MacBook Pro for $2,199, then more power to ‘em.

Maybe if the rest of the world got hold of copies of the Genius Training Manual, the world would be a much better place.

(Filled, of course, with even more Apple products!)

 

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  • Daniel

    Fascinating. Though “Mac Genii” don’t sell.

  • Fill

    I worked in IT for 10+ years and a lot of that had to do with tech support work. Reading some of what the ‘Geniuses’ are told to do is pretty common with any good tech support work. Try not to use words like ‘broken’ but more specific words like ‘unresponsive’. This does two things, it provides some hope to the frustrated customer/user that it can be fixed, and provides more detail that can help diagnose and solve the problem. Any good help desk person is going to be as much versed in psychology as they are in the technology.

    • I love it. One user’s “broken” is another’s “unresponsive.” Pure genius.

 
 
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